My son, Lucas, quit running only because he stopped living—at least, in this life. He tragically drowned in the San Francisco Bay on Christmas Eve in 2020. He was reported missing on Christmas day and his body was found three weeks later. He left a loving community of runners from the Bay Area to grieve the loss of their running mate. He was loved and admired, and left his family and extended family who gave him the foundation of unconditional love as a springboard to live a life of accomplishments, kindness and giving. He left me with the sweet memories of running with my son. He could not have given me anything more precious.
Lucas is our firstborn. He learned to ride his little red bicycle around 4 or 5 years old. That’s when he started going with me on runs. He excelled in the classroom, so I encouraged him to bet on his intelligence to get him where he needed to go in life. But in junior high, he joined cross country and eventually became a contributing member of a team that won state high school titles. He was also a good sub-2-minute 800-meter runner on the track. One of my favorite pictures is one at the finish of a 10k in Little Rock, Arkansas. The picture is of a mass of people finishing, and right in the middle is me beside a gangly, adolescent Lucas. We are finishing together as we should, but not always would.
He did as I suggested, for once, and stayed with academics until he had a PhD in molecular biology. He spent several years in postdoctoral work in RNA labs and immunology, working first at UC Santa Cruz then Berkley. He finally landed at a biotech company in the Bay Area, working on a treatment for hepatocellular tumors. He continued to run, mostly for fitness, during those years
A few years ago, Lucas started trail running. He became pretty good at it, and over about a four-year timeframe, ran more races than he probably should have. I honestly don’t know how many. I counted at least 40 medals and belt buckles laying around—there were 50 and 100ks and a few 100-milers. My wife and I have received many texts, pictures and videos of beautiful sunsets and sunrises from all over the world, not to mention traveling to be with him in other countries while he ran for days in the Italian Alps or in some far-off Chinese province. My wife made some of those journeys without me just to be with her baby boy. He ran Tor des Géants twice—a 205-mile, five-day run around the Aosta Valley of Italy.
One of his proudest accomplishments was circumnavigating a way to run on trails completely around the Bay. He made that trek twice, connecting public trails with not-so-public areas (he was known for jumping fences), but making the point it could be done. We are working with and asking for donations to the Bay Area Ridge Trail organization in his honor to make the trail system even more accessible for runners and hikers. Lucas loved running in the hills surrounding the bay. He loved sharing it with running partners, family and friends. During the pandemic, he was feeling the effects of loneliness and depression. My advice on a particularly dark day was, “You have to get out and run.” He did and was beginning to see the light at the end of the COVID tunnel before he died. He was always most alive outside. That’s where I feel him most in my own dark moments.
He died at the height of the COVID outbreak in California. Having a traditional funeral was out of the question. Our large extended family and his many friends were grief stricken. How do you comfort each other and honor your loved one in this time of pandemic? That is a question many families have faced. Our large family couldn’t afford the risk of getting together. No one had been vaccinated yet. We ached to hold our son and we ached to hold our friends and family in his absence. I’ve never particularly cared for funerals, but we felt a huge void in lieu of a cultural tradition that I had taken for granted.
In the middle of our horror, confusion and grief, a community of people we had only vaguely known existed stepped in. His girlfriend, who is a very good trail runner, and a host of Lucas’s close friends and acquaintances rallied in a remarkable way. He was initially considered a “missing person” so they searched his favorite trails during the first few days. They gathered to search the coastline for his body. Beautiful meals were brought to our hotel room. My daughters put together a Facebook page where we received story after story of our lovely Lucas and his exploits of running and helping and inspiring other runners. Old friends recounted special times with him. Family wrote words of comfort to us. His best friends put together a memorial at a peak they assured us was one of his favorite places to run. We met with masks and stood safely apart and shared stories about Lucas, poems and readings. Then we all ran or walked a trail he loved to run on Sunday mornings, in his honor. We couldn’t have asked for a better funeral for our son. His running community was his family and even though we greatly missed our family back home, these runners gave us a priceless gift of love and comfort. We met beautiful people who loved Lucas and because love never fails, we were able to receive that love as well.
Lucas and I ran many miles together. That was our time to talk and express our love for each other. Some years I was the pusher, and some years, he was. It didn’t matter since it was always our time and we didn’t even think of not running together step for step. We had an ease in conversation. I think we both felt the safety that our love afforded; that also made it easy to stay together. I cherish every moment I was with him, but our runs were special then, and to me now. Of course I hope I see him again someday. If I do, I will hug him and cry (I don’t care what they say about heaven… I will cry, just as I am now). Then we will most assuredly go for a long run together. A father has no greater joy than to know that he has given something meaningful to his children. What a child gives back is doubly so. One of those things for me was running with Lucas. I miss him, and I miss running with him.
19 comments
Chris,
I am so very sorry for your loss. These words you put together are beautiful. Not having any children, I can’t imagine the void you must be living with.
I didn’t know Lucas, but as a fellow East Bay Area trail runner, I know I will feel Lucas’s presence on trails he surely once ran.
With Love and Support,
Nick
Beautiful tribute, Chris. Lucas was a friend and a member of our Tahoe running team (Run on Dirt). I’ll always remember the joy running brought him and the joy he brought to running!
-Adam
Lucas will join me on trails in central Pennsylvania, since runners and their energy know no borders. Thanks for sharing, Chris. Know that you are far from alone, and embraced from afar.
Hi Chris,
I lost my son a few months ago. He was attending college and fell hiking. It’s the most difficult thing and worst year of my life. My heart goes out to you.
Sincerely,
Josh
What a beautiful tribute to him and to his community. He is so missed by so many. The impact he made on so many humans’ lives is so beyond measure, mine top among them. I miss him so insanely much and am so grateful for the trail running community for their love and support throughout this painful journey of loss and always.
Dear Chris,
Hugs. You brought tears to my eyes; I am at loss of words. I am sorry for your family’s loss. It is a huge loss for entire Bay Area Trail community. RIP, Lucas, we all miss you.
I love you Chris Horan. Thank you for sharing this with me and others. As you know I did not have the opportunity to meet Lucas given that our paths crossed later in our lives. As you’ve shared stories of him I feel that I’ve come to know that his father loves him dearly and that he loved his father every bit as much in return. I believe that we are reunited with those we love after this earthly life…. I take comfort in believing that lies ahead for you and Lucas… thank you for the man and the friend that you are.
A sunrise
A sunset
The light of Lucas
Still Shines
Being all in on life is wonderful and tragic at the same time. I am a father of a young son. I am also a trail runner who has experienced those sunsets and views such as your son had. Life is wonderful and sometimes it is a kick in the nuts. This was wonderfully written and I shed a tear with you as well. Carry on good sir.
I was okay until the final photo! 😢 We love the Horan family. Beautiful words written for an amazing soul, Chris. I’ve read every word that’s been shared about Lucas since he passed. How proud you guys must be. Hurting with you, but treasuring everyone’s memories, Lindsey
Such a beautiful heartfelt testament of love for a son. Thank you for sharing Lucas with so many.
“A father has no greater joy than to know that he has given something meaningful to his children. What a child gives back is doubly so. ”
Thank you for your tribute. How hard this must have been to write, as well as to live through.
God bless you, your family and Lucas.
Lucas was extraordinary and extraordinarily loved. His light shines on. This beautiful tribute honors that light. Holding you in my heart.
Beautiful words. I can’t imagine the grief you feel or the hole in your heart. I love and miss you, brother.
What a beautiful sentiment and tribute. I didn’t know Lucas, but I’m a father too, and all we trail runners share a bond. Thank you for sharing this with us, Chris.
Thank you, Chris, for helping me to know more about Lucas. Your beautiful tribute is a testament to how each of you enriched the other’s life…. and how each of you touched so many other lives all over the world. Thanks be to God for the gift of Lucas….
Peace to you.❤️
https://youtu.be/dVM8_jAL86w
What a beautiful tribute to your precious son. Such an amazing life full of accomplishments, such an amazing family full of love and support, and such a good group of friends who clearly grieve for him, too. We met your wife at the recent (2022) Tor des Geants: she was out there supporting others with grace, curiosity, and compassion, when her heart must still be broken open. Wishing you peace and wishing that you get to hold him in your arms and go for that run in heaven. Much love for you all.
Thank you Vicki! I have to say you just brought a tear to my eye. I loved meeting you and celebrating your incredible accomplishment! I feel so close to Lucas when I’m caught up in the magic and under the spell of TDG. It was a joy to meet you and Michael and Karen. I wish you could have met Lucas.
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